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Health

Giving up?

Do you ever get bored? I don’t mean, “I have nothing to do bored”. . . I’m talking about, bored with your partner, bored with your hair, bored with your friends (or lack-thereof), bored with your job, bored with everything, nothing arouses your interest?

I love my job. I enjoy working with the people, I enjoy interacting with our clients. Is it bad that I don’t find it interesting anymore?

I sometimes wonder if there is something wrong with me, lately everything just seems so blah. It’s as if the young vibrant and excited me is gone for good and I’ve been replaced of a shadow of who I used to be. I used to love life. I used to live it to its full potential! What happened to me?

I try and think of things that will make me go YES!!! but nothing seems to get me going these days. I’m so anxious like I need to run and never look back. I wasn’t meant to be tied down.

I have no idea what this means or where this will lead me but I feel like I’m giving up.

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Useless emotions . . .

Scared child
Scared child (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Fear and Greed

Fear and Greed are the two most useless of all human emotions. They undeniably limit us, preventing us from becoming all we can. Fear limits us because we have no idea of the possibilities and outcomes of our decisions (or lack there of) and we have a natural fear of the unknown. Greed limits us to what someone else’s greatest or not so greatest achievements are. So, fear not what lies ahead, and want more than anyone else has.

10 Ways to Find Time for Exercise

What’s the No. 1 excuse for not working out? Lack of time. Sure, we’re all busy handling multiple priorities and rushing around from here and there every day. However, I promise that no matter how busy you are, someone even busier than you are is working out right now. If you look closer, you’ll discover that you do have the time to work out—and you deserve to use that time for yourself.

Squeezing in just a few minutes of physical exercise a day has huge benefits on your health, gives you energy and perks up your mood. In fact, a new study published by The Lancet found that if inactive people increased their physical activity by just 15 minutes per day, they could reduce their risk of premature death by 14% and increase their life expectancy by three years.  Also, remember that “working out” doesn’t have to happen in the gym or last for an hour! Short 10-minute bursts of exercise, accumulated over the course of the day, can add up to big fitness and health gains, too.

Still not convinced that you have the time to exercise? Here’s how to start fitting fitness into your busy life today!

10 Practical Tips to Fit Fitness into Your Busy Life

1. Wake up earlier. Sleep is definitely important for overall health and weight-loss, but could you hit the sheets just 30 minutes earlier, so that you could get up and work out before your day starts? Working out in the morninghas numerous benefits including regulating appetite, boosting energy and—perhaps the biggest benefit of all—an A.M. sweat session ensures that your workout is checked off first thing each day! Because really, how many times have you had the best intentions to exercise in the evening, only to have to work late, help your kids with a project or generally just feel too exhausted to get off the couch? With morning workouts, the time problem is solved!

2. Cut down on media. For just a few days, record how much time you spend surfing the Internet, checking personal email, watching TV and playing video games whether it’s on your computer or your phone. You just might be surprised at how much time you spend on Facebook or playing Angry Birds. Just a few minutes here and there can add up to an hour or more each day. Cut out just some of that screen time and, voila, you suddenly have time to squeeze in at least 10 or 15 minutes of exercise into even the busiest day.

3. Be an active TV watcher. It’s unrealistic to never watch TV or to shun the Internet forever (how would you get your SparkPoints fix?).  So when you do, try to incorporate some physical activity. When watching TV, make it a point to do some jumping jacks or push-ups during commercials. Doing a little exercise during the commercial breaks can add up to almost 20 minutes of fitness for every hour of TV you watch. And instead of sitting in a chair when on the computer, try sitting on a stability ball or stack your computer up on some books so that you have a standing desk to surf from. No matter how you do it, try not to sit for more than 20 minutes at a time!

4. Try an active commute. One of the best ways to fit exercise into your life is by incorporating it into your school or work transportation routine. If you live close enough, consider biking to work. If you take the bus, walk to a bus stop that’s an extra block or two away, or get off the bus a stop sooner than usual and get a few more steps in. And if you drive to work, park as far away as you can—even a few blocks away, if possible.

5.  Make it part of your routine. One reason it’s so challenging to fit exercise into a busy schedule is because we’re not used to doing it. Heck, it takes time to brush your teeth in the morning, but you do it, don’t you? You brush your teeth every day because it’s important and because it’s almost second nature to get up and do it. Start making some form of exercise—whether it’s walking the dog, doing 10 minutes of yoga or going for a bike ride after dinner—a daily tradition, just like showering, brushing your teeth or hitting the coffee shop on the way to work. It’s easy to fit in exercise for a few days here or there, but by incorporating it into your daily routine like you would your hygiene, you take the process of working out away from willpower and into habit. Need help getting into the habit? Try SparkGuy’s Daily Workout Streak Challenge!

6. Mix socializing with exercising. Do you normally spend time with your family or friends by going to dinner, watching sports on TV or going to movies? Make your social time more active by planning events that get all of you moving. Go for a family hike on a beautiful Saturday morning, play a game of tag football with your buddies during halftime, or make a date with your significant other or best friend on the treadmill. There are so many options for squeezing more activity into your social calendar!

7. Turn chores into exercise. While cleaning might not be the most fun activity, it’s something we all have to do, and it can definitely be a workout if you want it to be. Set a kitchen timer for 20 minutes and see how much of the house you can clean. Try to be as efficient and quick-paced as possible, and I guarantee you’ll work up a sweat. If you’re doing lighter housework that is harder to get your heart rate up (like laundry or organizing), throw in some lunges or push-ups every few minutes to start feeling the burn!

8. Schedule an appointment. If you had scheduled a doctor’s appointment, you wouldn’t miss it would you? How about that important business meeting? Of course not. Working out is actually as important as going to the doctor or any other obligation that you prioritize, because it helps you perform better as a worker, parent, student or volunteer, and keeps you in tip-top shape. So whether it’s scheduling in an hour to go to that group exercise class, investing in personal training sessions or even making a date with yourself to do that workout DVD over your lunch break, write it in pen in your calendar and treat it like any other appointment you can’t miss!

9. Find an activity you love. Think of your favorite hobby or pastime. Do you have trouble finding time to do it? Most likely, you make time for it because you enjoy it so much. It’s the things we don’t enjoy that we put off and don’t feel bad about missing. That’s why it’s best to choose a physical activity that you actually enjoy and look forward to. Not only are you more likely to do it, but it also adds more fun into your life. And we all could use some more fun in our busy lives, right?

10. Say no. If you’ve gone through this entire list of tips and don’t think a single one will work in your life, then it’s time to look at your priorities and responsibilities. Do you really have to bake cookies for that fundraiser? Babysit for your sister? Take on that extra project at work? Attend that wedding shower of your second cousin? Remember that there’s nothing wrong in saying no. Yes, we all have obligations to others, but don’t forget about the obligation you have to yourself to take care of your body and your health!

Remember, exercise gives you energy and keeps you healthy to keep going in that busy life of yours! So don’t think of exercise as another to-do to squeeze in on your already busy schedule. Instead, think of it as maintenance for your health and a way to de-stress and do something for you!

Retrieved from: http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/fitness_articles.asp?id=1675

Your silence makes me ill

“Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.” ~ Sex and the City

Sometimes I wonder where I went wrong. How is it possible, that the only man I have ever truly loved, can hurt me this much, simply by being silent?

Me: “Hi”

Him: “. . .”

Me: “You okay?”

Him: “. . . ”

Me: Frown . . . SMH

As I walk away form this conversation, I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I swallow hard so that I don’t shed a single one. Three days in a row of this silence. His face says it all but I know nothing of what it means. I’m not sure what happened between Saturday night and Sunday morning, but I woke up the man that I love was gone again and I was left with the shell of a man that I can’t stand to be with. It’s a “vicious cycle” as he once called it. He loves me. If he didn’t he’d have stayed long gone.

I think about when we first met, how we used to be so excited and anxious to be alone. Right now, being alone in the same room is tedious. He’s been through so much. He has so much going on in his head. I can feel the pain seeping through his pores. The pain of losing his identity, of losing himself, when he lost his mom. Olga, his best friend, his confidant, his go to girl. I can’t even begin to imagine what that was like. The worst part about it all is that although he misses his family sometimes, he is so hurt by them that he would NEVER seek them out. His mom was sacred, is sacred to him. He lived and breathed for her.

Some of you are probably wondering how any of that is my problem. Why should I worry he’s not my responsibility? right? You see, when I was down, when I was out, when I had NO ONE, not my mother, not my father, not my best friend, when I had nothing, no courage, no strength, no money, no job, and no will to carry me through, who was there? He was.

So on days like today, when I’m at my wits end because I have a paper due, I have work to do for an important organization, and I have to deal with the bordering panic attacks that come so suddenly, I don’t know how we will make it through. I just don’t have the patience for this anymore. I’m losing sleep, I’m stressing, and stretching myself thin as it is.

I feel sick to my stomach thinking about the possibility of just letting go. This silence is unwarranted and unwelcome. I’ve tried praying. I’ve tried comforting. I’ve tried being silly. I’ve tried talking like an adult. I’ve tried playing bad cop, and being angry. I’ve tried being upset and crying. Nothing pushes back the silence. Sometimes it goes on for weeks. He won’t eat, he won’t sleep. I tried giving back the silent treatment, but it just kills me a little more inside.

So what do you do when nothing makes sense anymore and everything is a blur of unhappy moments? Do you let go of the only person you can count on? Is it a betrayal? A stab in the back? Should you just keep finding little kisses of patience to get you through every breaking moment? Should love ever be truly unconditional?

As I type I see a refereshed post from an old friend of mine:

“Don’t give up on the people you love. Your patient love and faithfulness may be exactly what they need to make a complete turnaround.”

I find this statement difficult to believe, if after 8 years a turnaround hasn’t even peeked at the horizon, who’s to say there is a horizon at all. . . Meanwhile the silence makes me ill

Sickness shows us what we are

Shortly after turning 15 I started noticing changes in myself that I was not happy with at all. The number one thing that make me cringe was the fact that no matter how many salads I ate or how many calories I counted, I was gaining weight. Looking at my family history and digging deeper didn’t even occur to me since I wasn’t close to any of my family really. At the time I chalked it up to stress and kept doing what I was doing. By the time I was 19 and according to the chart at the doctors office I was about 40 lbs overweight. I didn’t feel “overweight”. I didn’t look “overweight”. According to the BMI chart on the wall my BMI was 30. It was absolutely ridiculous. The Doctor was telling me that my average weight should be 130-150. I hadn’t weighed 150 since I was 10 or 11. I was active, I was healthy and now I was miserable.

After a few months of pouting around, I did the one thing in my life I will regret forever: I gave up on me. My mom was fat, my dad was fat, my grandma’s were both fat. I was just destined to be fat. FAT FAT FAT FAT!!! Looking in the mirror I saw a big ball of lard. (Mind you I’m 5’4 and only weight 180 at the time.) I hated myself and just gave up.

The road to healthy is about changing how you see yourself and how you see your life. Changing your lifestyle is not an easy thing to do. I’ve gone from diet to diet pills, starving myself to purging, down to becoming a regular Crack/cocaine user. I have tried it all, I have done it all.

In November of 2008, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. I cried myself to sleep for weeks (including the 1 week I was in the hospital for DKA: Diabetic KetoAcidosis). My life as I knew it was over (at least in my mind). Here I was 23 years old with Diabetes. Doctor said “No drinking, no sweets, no pasta, no rice, no bread”. WTH WAS I SUPPOSED TO EAT?!!!!! He said “If you continue eating these things, you are going to die” I wanted to die. I wanted to crawl into a little hole and never be seen again. How embarrassing! I had the Fat disease!!! At least that is what I’d heard about it. “Only FAT people got diabetes.” “You keep eating all them sweets you’re going to get Diabetes.”

At 23 years old weighing in at 285 pounds I hated myself. I hated my life. When I went back to work from the hospital I had a lot of people supporting me and encouraging me to lose weight and eat healthy I gained a few walking partners. In 3 months I lost a total of 25 lbs. I still couldn’t look in the mirror because I could see the words FAT and DIABETES tattooed to my forehead. I couldn’t watch TV because there were all of these healthy SKINNY girls running around doing whatever it is that skinny girls

Diabetes is not a fat person disease. You don’t HAVE to dies from diabetes. If you do it’s because you chose to.

I was at the doctors last friday and I knew there was going to be bad news. For starters I’m now 27 and I weigh in at 260. She says to me “Donica, yours numbers are horrible, and that is the least of your problems.” I nod and turn my face to the floor, I did this, I am killing myself. “There is traces of sugar in your kidneys, this is very very dangerous. Sugar is poison to your kidneys. We have to get this sugar under control and your weight down. Your good cholesterol is very low. There is nothing we can do about that, it’s genetics. That just means you have to work THAT much harder to be healthy.” I nod and can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. “Donica, look at me, have you ever heard of PCOS, has anyone ever screened you for this?” I look up at my doctor and see a thin beautiful older woman who is seriously concerned about me. “No, I’ve never heard of this and as far as I know no one has ever screened me for it. What is PCOS?”

Turns out, “PCOS, or polycystic ovarian syndrome, is a common hormonal disorder in women that with interferes with the growth and release of eggs from the ovaries, or ovulation. It is the most common cause of infertility among women. PCOS occurs when a woman’s body overproduces sex hormones, called androgens. The hormone imbalance prevents fluid-filled sacs in the ovaries from breaking open and releasing mature eggs. The fluid-filled sacs bunch together, causing many tiny cysts. Symptoms of PCOS include missed periods, abnormal facial and body hair growth, acne, and weight gain. PCOS may run in families.” (WebMD)

Also according to Web MD early symptoms of PCOS include:

  • Few or no menstrual periodscamera. This can range from less than nine menstrual cycles in a year (more than 35 days between cycles) to no menstrual periods.2Some women with PCOS have regular periods but are not ovulating every month. This means that their ovaries are not releasing an egg each month.
  • Heavy, irregular vaginal bleeding. About 30% of women with PCOS have this symptom.3
  • Hair loss from the scalp and hair growth (hirsutism) on the face, chest, back,stomach, thumbs, or toes. About 70% of women in the United States with PCOS complain of these hair problems caused by high androgen levels.4
  • Acne and oily skin, caused by high androgen levels.
  • Depression or mood swings.

Living with PCOS symptoms can affect your sense of well-being, sexual satisfaction, and overall quality of life. This too can lead to depression.5 For more information, see the topic Depression or Depression in Children and Teens.

PCOS symptoms that may develop gradually include:

  • Weight gain or upper body obesity (more around the abdomen than the hips). This is linked to high androgen levels.4
  • Male-pattern baldness or thinning hair (alopecia). This is linked to high androgen levels.
  • Repeat miscarriages. The cause for this is not known. These miscarriages may be linked to high insulin levels, delayed ovulation, or other problems such as the quality of the egg or how the egg attaches to the uterus.
  • Inability to become pregnant (infertility). This is because the ovaries are not releasing an egg (not ovulating).
  • Symptoms of too much insulin (hyperinsulinemia) and insulin resistance, which can include upper body weight gain and skin changes, such as skin tags or dark, velvety skin patches under the arm, on the neck, or in the groin and genital area.
  • Breathing problems while sleeping (obstructive sleep apnea). This is linked to both obesity and insulin resistance.2

High blood pressure may be more common in women who have PCOS, especially if they are very overweight. Your doctor will check your blood pressure.

(http://women.webmd.com/tc/polycystic-ovary-syndrome-pcos-symptoms)

I have every symptom that is listed in this article and my doctor saw it right away. “We are going to start treating this. I’m going to start you back on Metformin at the lowest dosage to see how you react to it and a water pill to see if we can get some weight off of you. That sound okay?” I nod. Still taking in this new information. She also tells me she wants me to “cut-back on the whites, meaning bread, pasta rice. Have whole grain things. They are good for you.” Wait WHAT? you mean I don’t have to STOP eating my favorite foods?? (sweet)

Affirmations to myself for the rest of my life:

I am going to be okay.

I am going to become healthy.

I am going to change my lifestyle.

I am going to finish college.

I am going to become a PhD.

I am going to help children.

I AM GOING TO LIVE MY LIFE!

 

No more miss nice girl, no more pity party, no more being a victim of genes. I am going to live my life to the fullest. I am going to make changes immediately. I emptied out my pantry and fridge of all this crap I have been consuming and I have replaced it with everything that is healthy. I hear once that “Sickness shows us what we are” . . . Well, I’m going to show you.

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