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A Witch's Path. . .

a path worth taking. . .

4-4 against our children. . .

As I sit here and listen to the President speak about our fight as Latinos, to keep our families together, all I can think about is my neighbors, my friends and my family who all know, and some are, illegal immigrants trying to make a better life for themselves and their children. I am 4th generation Mexican American. My family is international. I have relatives from El Salvador, Columbia, Guatemala, Mexico, Nicaragua, Brazil; whether they are married in, or adopted in, they are my family!

I think about all the children in my life and what it would be like for them to lose their mom or dad to deportation and tears spring to my eyes because  it devastates me! Now think about the 4 million immigrants who are here to get away from hunger, poverty, violence and their governments. Let’s say that they each have 1 child. . . Now let’s imagine that all 4 million get deported. . . . that means 4 million children. . . 4 MILLION INNOCENT CHILDREN. . . will be put into foster care, or group homes, or with family . . . but none of those people, will ever be mom or dad.

These children will probably have to change schools, they will adjust. They will probably have to make new friends, they will flourish. They will probably be bullied for not having parents, they will overcome. . . . Or they won’t, they may fall through the cracks and become delinquents. They may grow up to be drug addicts or worse. These are our children. These are our INNOCENT children.

Every single one of those children will fall under the responsibility of the United States Government. Can you imagine what anywhere from 2-4 million children entering the system would do to the system? What it would do to our economy?… What it would to to the children?

These are all what if scenarios, right? These are potential outcomes to deporting over 4 million people. Separating 4 million families. Are you one of those families? Do you know one of those families? Don’t take these suppositions lightly. Take voice, Speak up. Don’t let 4-4 against our children be the end of this war. We must carry on and continue fighting.

Supreme Court’s Decision on Immigration Case Affects Millions of Unauthorized Immigrants

For Obama, Supreme Court Defeat Upends a Legacy on Immigration

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Losing hope

Monday,  November 6, 2017, at work my phone wouldn’t stop vibrating a little after 8 pm. At 9:55 I take a short break to check what the fuss is about. I had 6 missed calls from my husband. One text saying 911.

My heart starts racing, on my way to the breakroom, I tell one of my leads something is happening at home and I have to call my husband.  

With tremblimg hands I dial his number. He answers, “I need you to call 911, someone is in the back room and I hear someone screaming for help and loud noises like fighting. I called 911 at 8 and no one is here. I was afraid to go out the front door so I climbed out of the bedroom window. Please just call them.” 

Me “Are you okay?” 

Husband “Yes, just please call the police they still aren’t here I called at 8.”

Me “Okay, I’m calling now, I’ll call you back.”

I speed walk to my Leads desk as I’m dialing 911 and tell him something about might have to leave and someone breaking into my house. 

Operator: “911, what’s your emergency?” 

Me: “My name is Donica Antonino, I’m at work and got a call from my husband who says someone broke into our house and he called 911 since 8 pm. No one has responded. No cops are there. Someone was yelling for help. We don’t know how many people are in there.”

Operator: “Ok, ma’am what is the address?”

Me: tells her the address

Operator: “Ok, I see the call,…… I’m not sure what’s going on with this call…….. I’m dispatching someone….. we’re getting someone out there as soon as possible. ”

Me: “My husband called since 8 o’clock, why isnt there anyone there yet?”

Operator: “It looks like there was another emergency within close proximity.”

Me: “I’m leaving work to go there now.”

Operator: “I’ll let the officers know you’re on your way. Please don’t go in the house. What kind of vehicle are you driving?”

Me: describes vehicle

Operator: “ok, I’ve updated the report. Drive safely.”

I hang up and let my lead know I have to go. 

I made it home in 6 minutes. It usually takes 12.

I arrive and there are 3 police units and 6 police behind me another one is pulling in.

I’m shaking. I see my neighbors outside. I don’t see me husband. I go around and see them coming out of the back room. My husband looks shaken. An officer is asking him questions. Everything is spinning. Tunnel vision kicks in. I go up to the officer and I can smell his cologne before I reach them. I also smell grass. Weird. I start answering the officer’s questions on Autopilot. I ask him why it took so long for them to get there he nervously says thye just got the call at 10. My heart sinks, that’s the time I called. My huband shows the officer and I his phone he called 911 4 times in 2 hours. No one was sent out until I called.

You might ask me why this is so upsetting to me. My husband is a native Mexican. From the capital. His English is broken. My husband asked for a translator on the first call. He called 4 times in 2 hours. No one was dispatched. I’m angry. I’m saddened. I’m disappointed. Never, never have I ever felt so dismayed with my country. This is my country. Where I was born. My mother and father were born. My grandparents and great grandparents were born here. 

I’m sure this was discrimination. After all was said and done there were two other neighbors with damage to their homes. The park manager came over to tell us he too called the police approximately around the same time due to damages to a home 3 houses down. Everyone who called the police had heavily accented English. Except me. 7 calls 4 different people. 2 hours before the first unit showed up. 

I’m so lost and broken inside. All hope for humanity and or country is shattered. My country discriminated against my own. My family. The man who’s last name I chose. He works hard. We just bought this home and are still working on fixing everything up. 

We had just painted that room. The furniture is broken. There’s 3 broken windows. There is blood everywhere, lots of blood, and I mean everywhere. The breaker box to the entire house was kicked and damaged. Equipment we had in there thrown around. We estimate the damage around 5 thousand dollars, at minimum. 

The subject was in my house for approximately 1 hour and 15 minutes,  destroying my home. My safe haven. My neighbors to the north have 2 small children. My neighbor to the south has a teenager. 7 calls 2 hours…… 

7 calls to 911 within a 2 hour period. The only call they dispatched was the one for the person who speaks perfect English. 

To help out with the cost to repair the damage Click Here.

Graphic Images of the damage can be seen by clicking the link.

Maybe I’m not from this life

There are days when my body aches. There are times when my heart aches. There are moments when my soul breaks. Shattered into an infinite number of pieces. Moments when everything feels wrong and off kilter. I feel empty and lacking. I can never tell if these feelings belong to me from this life or another. Only that the pain runs so strong and so deep nothing can seal the gaping hole it leaves behind. I’m called by some,  dramatic. I’m not, what I feel, the way I feel, is passion. The strongest of it’s kind. Pure and unbridled passion. It evokes something deep within my being, and it’s painful, as if something is trapped inside me and wants to explode to the surface. Like I’m awakening. Like I’m being thrown into a place i just don’t belong. 

I find that after a while this unexplained passion that flows through me quiets as if to let my mind, body and soul breathe like the ebb and flow of chidbirth. I feel empty in these times. Missing the ache of  that passion. 

Maybe I am not of this life. Things don’t make sense here. 

This body is a shell. Sometimes full sometimes empty. 
Goodnight beautiful world. 

Don’t close the door. . .

The silence is so deafening, the tears don’t want to stop. There is so much left unsaid, so many memories yet to be made. Now, I’m the only one left to share this memory. . .

One sunny, and hot Texas afternoon, I was little more than 6 years old, a beautiful woman knocked on the door. I wobbled over and opened it. A beautiful voice to match, she said something along the lines of “Is Francis home?” I closed the door. She was a stranger after all.

That was the first time I met my tia Glenda. I was the first person in her biological family that she had the pleasure of meeting. Knowing that we never got the chance to share more of our lives together makes my heart ache in a way that I’m not sure I’ve ever felt before.

Today, I would like to ask for prayers for my cousins. May their lives be filled with love and light so that there may be some semblance of filling for the hole that has been ripped into their lives. May they have the strength and courage to get through every wave that is yet to come, because there will be many. Let every holiday, birthday or anniversary to come,  be filled with wonderful memories of the woman who was their world.

I would also like to send a thought into the universe: Love, because it heals all things, forgives all things and creates all things. May love fill the hearts of every soul, even if for a moment. When that wave of love I send knocks on your door like a beautiful angel asking to come in. . . . Don’t close the door. . .

… no words….

What do you do when there are no words to describe the way you feel? When the emptiness inside is too much to bear? When you realize that the grass isn’t always greener? When money didn’t buy happiness? When peace doesn’t come with peace of mind? When Standing up for what you believe is no longer safe? When the world you knew has become a hell you are unfamiliar with?

What do you do? 

I’m Angry; God is Dead !

​I just can’t stop being angry. Nothing anyone can say can change it. Just leave me be. It’s not you, it’s me… better yet,  it is you, all of you who remain silent to the atrocities happening in the world. So don’t tell me that I have so much to me thankful for, that I am lucky, that I don’t need for anything, I know that. I’m not angry with my life, I’m angry with life in general. Why does my friends grandbaby have to be in pain, why the fuck does Donald Trump have to ruin our country, why can’t we all go back to the way things were. When playing outside was good for kids, when cooking at home was mandatory and eating out was a luxury, when Good music made sense, and 14 year olds didn’t have cell phones. When people came together in times of crisis not divided into irrational sects. When the word God had value, had weight. Now it’s used as a means to an end. This world, this life, is crumbling before our very eyes and I feel helpless. Everyone has  that “Im just one person,  I can’t save the world”, attitude . YOU ARE  WRONG! We can save this world, one day at a time one person at a time. STOP BEING LAZY! GET UP and fight for what is right! Stop pretending everything is OK! 

Friedrich Nietzsche rightly said “God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it?” 

#godisdead #imwithyouemi #letsgoback #timeforchange

Dear Family,

This has been a hard year for me. I’ve been through so many emotional changes. I feel like it flew by because I was so busy putting out fires in my head and in my heart. I’ve fallen so many times in my life, I never found it as hard as I did this year to get back up. I’ve made all the wrong choices for all the wrong reasons. There is one thing that has forced me to keep getting up, to keep wiping away my tears and dusting off my ass: Family. My Dad, my sisters, my brothers, my nieces, my nephews, my cousins, mom. You all have kept me going.

This holiday season, as everyone goes out shopping and has all these special requests for specific gifts and such, all I want is for my family to know that I’m sorry for not being around, for not calling, for not reaching out. I just felt like I need to battle this out on my own. I want you all to know that all of you, are my reason for not giving up. Y’all are all I ever wanted all those years I was off drifting alone, doing who knows what with who knows who. Now, I have what I wanted: Family.

Now, I’m finding it hard to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good aunt, a good niece, a good friend even a good witch. I feel like if I get to close I’m, going to burn it all to hell. LOL So, I keep pulling away. I keep “keeping my distance”. So, I’m writing this because I give up, I need your help. I need help being a good everything. If I don’t call, call me. If I don’t text, text me. If You haven’t heard from me, reach out. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning and your text, phone call or sticker might be the one thing I needed today.

As I write everyone’s Holiday cards, I think carefully about what each one says, reminding all of you how much you mean to me. Please know I’m trying, I’m fighting and I’m keeping on, for all of you, because I know you are rooting for me. . . and I’m not one to “leave the stage in the middle of a song” . . .

Merry Christmas, Merry Yule, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Diwali, Ramadan Mubarak, Happy Kwanzaa, and a Joyous Winter Solstice to everyone the world over.

 

I concur . . .

“It is often in the darkest skies that we see the brightest stars.” – Richard Evans

Contrast. This is what this world is based upon.

Good and evil, dark and light, suffering and happiness.

It’s the only way to find a balance, the only way to equally experience everything.

via — Cristian Mihai

Guardians come forth . . .

 

Lately all I see in the world is division. We are divided by our race, by our color, by our religion, by our bank accounts (or lack-there-of), by our language, by how many followers we have on Instagram and Twitter.

. . . Divide and conquer. . .

We are taxing our friends and family. Favors are done for favors, not out of kindness. Altruism has become selfish and giving isn’t free. Everything revolves around power. Power over money, power over others and power over the earth.

. . . Give to the near of kin his due, and also to the needy and the wayfarers . . .

We have become a world of greed. Greed for food, greed for material things, greed for power. We have abandoned our morality, we have abandoned our spirituality, we have abandoned our humanity. To be humane was having or showing compassion or benevolence. We do this no longer. Compassion is attributed to weakness. Strength is the equivalent of power and money.

Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed and Sloth are now Virtuous. Humility, Kindness, Abstinence, Chastity, Patience, Liberality and Diligence are the new Seven deadly sins. The world is upside down and backward.

The only salvation that we have left is reform. We need to reform the way we think, reform the way we feel, the way we learn, the way we walk and the way we treat each other. Hell is upon us. It is not some faraway place as described in religious books. It is here, on earth and we have made this its home. Evil is not the Devil or Satan or demons, Evil are we who have corrupted everything that is beautiful.

The more things change, the more they get worse. . .

. . . and somethings will never change.

No matter how I see it, no matter how I try, the only solution to all that has gone wrong is for the guardians of this earth to come forth. Come forth and reveal. . .

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