As with every time I write, I don’t really know what it is that I am trying to say today. I just close my eyes and type. You would be surprised how much I don’t mess up my writing. My typing skill are not all that bad.
To the point, the reason I decided to sit down and write today was because I was anxious. Not like in anticipation of anything, yet, in anticipation of something. I feel like I’m waiting for something but I’m not all together sure what that something might be. Like, I’m gearing up to do something, as if I’m about to take action but I don’t know what that might be. I feel as though I need to meditate, but we all know what happens when I do that. The thought of meditation instills a fear in me like no other. And I bet you thought meditation was supposed to be relaxing. If you know me, really know me, you know why meditation is this scary for me. Meditation opens a door for me, a door that isn’t easily closed. Anyway, the results could be devastating. I need to find control first, of myself, of whats inside me. without someone to guide me I’ve found that very hard to do. I’m a lot further now than I was just a few years ago. So maybe I’ll give it a try.
But back to taking action. . . I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing in my life right now, I feel like I lost my purpose. I feel stagnant. Like something is blocking me off from my full destiny. Like something or someone is holding me back. I think my only mode of relaxation is typing, I have had my eyes closed for about 80 percent of this writing so far and already I feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
There is something I should be doing and I can’t quite put my finger on it. I haven’t physically cast a circle in a LONG time. I’m thinking that the next full moon will be the perfect time for this. I need to recharge, cleanse, something.
I’ll try to keep you all posted, in the mean time, be blessed.
Love & Light,