I grew up in a home where friends were few and those few were really close; knowing that you can only trust someone about as far as you can throw them; to never back down from a fight but never throw the first punch; stand your ground and have the last word. Over the years I realized that I liked having lots of friends, and you can trust people you just have to give them a chance, that its okay to back down and walk away without any word.
That being said, I’ve become the kind of person who truly gives everyone the benefit so f the doubt and only one shot. If you fuck it up, that’s it. It would take something big and really worth my time for you to redeem yourself. So, I have lots of arms length friends and very few close friends.
If I don’t like you for whatever the reason, you stop existing in my world, I won’t look at you, or even acknowledge that you exist. I don’t feel like I should have to give you a reason either. The way I see it, if you don’t know me you can’t like or dislike me, if you know me, you either like me or you don’t. Same thing goes out, if I don’t know you, I can’t like or dislike you, if I know you I will either like you or not. I don’t feel anyone owes me any explanations about why they do or don’t like me because I don’t feel like I owe any one any explanations of that sort.
There are few people I don’t like. I’m a generally friendly person. My biggest flaw is that I give too much and sometimes that includes my opinions. I feel the need to save everyone from themselves. I know it’s unrealistic but it won’t hurt to try. I like to give people advice and share life experiences. I realize that they are either going to take something from it or not and that is their choice.
It’s not like me to pick a fight or hold a grudge. Once I lose respect for you, though, it’s hard to get it back. Have you ever known, or thought you knew someone, for a long time, and then they do or say something that changes the way you see them, forever? Yeah? Me too!
The thing is, to me, if you are a mother, regardless of anything else you might be, you should always be a mother FIRST! So, if I see you intoxicated as hell putting your child in the car-seat of your car, getting someone else to blow in the machine that starts your car, and drive away to go get illegal drugs, you can forget about me having any respect for you. If you get so intoxicated that you disrespect someone then don’t remember the next day, I might lose respect for you. If you walk around in clothes 2 sizes to small and every other word out of your mouth is fuck, I just might lose respect for you.
If all of the above apply to you, not only do I lose respect for you, but there is no redemption, there is only the fact that I won’t acknowledge your existence. I see you coming and walk the other direction, hear you talking out side my house and I turn up the music. You hang with the people I hang with, I find new people. Grandma always said “Dime can quien te juntas, y te dire quien eres.” which is roughly translated to what my friend said his grandma used to tell him: “Tell me who you walk with, and I’ll tell you who you are.”
I’m sorry that it bothers you, that I don’t want to be judged by who I associate with. I’d like to say that I don’t care what society thinks about me, but to a certain extent I do, I’m a good person, I am hard working and responsible, I respect others when they respect me. I have good morals and good values. I would never want someone to judge me because they saw me associating with a piece of trash like you.
I may have done things in the past that would have made you look like a saint. I burned bridges, I lost friends. I’m 100% sure there are people out there that hate the old me. You live, you learn and you grow up. You make changes in your life and you make yourself a respect worthy person. You can never take back what you have said or done. You can change course and start living right.
So, forgive me, if I refuse to lower my standards, to accommodate you, refusing to raise yours.