I’ve been trying to imagine my life without him in it. Trying to not speak as often, trying to watch the tele without commenting. Reading Facebook memes to myself and not out loud. Going out and locking the door like no ones home. . . Like all of these things writing this brings tears to my eyes. That whole in my heart I thought was filled with the joy of having my sisters speaking to me again, is hollow again. I lost it yesterday, I cried when he walked out to go searching for apartments. I cried the entire hour he was gone. I feel like I might cry now, but I’m fighting it. I’m fighting it with
everything I have. Eating cereal this morning was a chore. Thinking about how annoying I find it when he is trying to soak all his frosted flakes in the milk and the spoon keeps hitting the side of the bowl, then when he slurps the milk really loudly from the bowl. Packing my lunch this morning, another chore. His favorite thing for me to cook it’s spaghetti and meat sauce. . . It well never be the same. But it’s for the best right? The greater good. The bigger picture. . . And here come the tears . . .

Advertisements