There are times when no matter what you do, or how hard you try at something you just can’t seem to get it right. It is in those times that you must stop take a deep breath and remind yourself that it’s okay to lose a small battle or for the other team to score. You have to remember that life isn’t about winning or about being perfect. Life is about never EVER giving up. So your ten year plan turned into a 12 year plan, it’s a plan nonetheless. For the past two years, I have fought hard to work a full time job, go to school full time and have a full time relationship with someone who is not easy to be around sometimes. Today after four long hours of HW and finishing touches on my final, I realize that I may not pass my very first college course. Statistics kicked my freaking ass. I wanted to cry, I told myself “I’m good at math, this should have been easy” The truth is, Statistics is not easy, and math is only a small part of it. There is a lot of problem solving involved. I should have gotten ahead before I had the chance to get behind. I should not have procrastinated reading the chapters. Looking back over the last five weeks I could have been on Facebook a little less. I could have put off my ancestry search for another class. I could have put off Reading the second to the last book in the Sookie Stackhouse series for one more week. But did I? NO, I DID NOT!
So here I am, certain that I failed this class and there is nothing at this point that I can do about it. The only thing left to do is, hope that my darling gets a job in the next month or so. This way I can make payments toward retaking the class. Giving up is not an option especially because the failure was my own in every which way. Maybe I really just did need a long break. It’s hard going to school and working full time. This is the first class I thought I had in the bag that I was completely off about.
I’ll tell you one thing, I’m sure that the next time I go head to head with statistics, I’m going to show it exactly what I’m made of. I have to, quitting is not an option. Failing at my own dreams is not an option. I just have to work that much harder now to reach my goals. Shame on me. Shame on me for putting something in front what what should have been the very most important thing in my life. Shame on me for not putting me first.
So, what’s left, work, save money, work on my health and weight and mind until I have the money to continue my journey to being D. Marlene Rodriguez, Ph.D. (or Psy.D.)