A relationship, regardless of whether it is with a lover, friend or family member, should be based on trust and honesty. I mean think about it, if there is no trust then the very foundation of any relationship is unstable. In a society where it seems that even family is not indispensable, where the traditions of commitment and loyalty are long gone, why risk it?

Growing up we learned that honesty is the best policy, the truth may hurt but it will set you free and my all time favorite “La mentira dura, mientras la verdad aparece” which means, the lie lasts until the truth appears. But how much truth is too much? Is there such a thing? I think so.

Have you ever had a friend, I’m talking about a platonic regular old run of the mill friend, that you loved more than anything? Someone you could totally be the ass that you are around and they’d just laugh and tell you how stupid you are and then be an ass right with you? That friend who knows how really perverted you are and doesn’t judge you, not a single bit. . . A friend who knows how much you despise your boss, how much you miss your gammy and your about your secret affair with cars. . .

That friend who calls you baby, and pookie and isn’t trying to get in your pants. Asks you for a BJ but you know they are totally kidding because they just got laid three days ago (and yes they told you all about it). . . The one you pour your heart out to because you know they’re just going to look at you and tell you how fabulous you are. . .

I’m sure most if not all girls have one of these, and he’s either your best Gay, or just really your best guy friend. Is it wrong to have this outside of a relationship? I really don’t think so, but I heard more than once that I’m cheating emotionally on my BF. . . Blows my mind! I mean I love my BF, but I also love my friend. Is it the same kind of love? Absolutely not! Whole other level!!

This is the guy who makes your day and brings a smile to your face at the thought of seeing his face. Not that your BF doesn’t do this . . . It’s just different. You know that things with your friend aren’t heading to anywhere but where they are and you are okay with that.

I can’t help it he makes me smile. . . That doesn’t mean I’m cheating, does it? I mean my BF knows I’m friends with this guy and my BF knows mostly how much I talk to him. . . mostly . . . I mean it’s not like this guy has absolutely any interest in me nor do in him. . . We are strictly just friends, we plan to keep it that way and that’s the end of the story. . . But am I cheating? Have I crossed the line from just friends in to an emotional relationship of some sort?

Apparently Emotional infidelity is a very common occurrence. Some people cheat on their spouses with a colleague, their best friend, or sometimes even with their blog. . .  According to WikiPedia

An “emotional affair” is an affair, which excludes physical intimacy but includes emotional intimacy and can begin as innocently as a friendship. It may also be called an affair of the heart. Where one partner is in a committed monogamous relationship, an emotional affair is a type of chaste nonmonogamy withoutconsummation. When the affair breaches an agreement in the monogamous relationship of one of the partners to the affair, the term infidelity may be more apt.”

Further:

An emotional affair can be defined as follows’

“A relationship between a person and someone other than (their) spouse (or lover) that has an impact on the level of intimacy, emotional distance and overall dynamic balance in the marriage. The role of an affair is to create emotional distance in the marriage.”[1]

In this view, neither sexual intercourse nor physical affection is necessary to impact the committed relationship(s) of those involved in the affair. It is held that an emotional affair can injure a committed relationship more than a one night stand or other casual sexual encounters

What are some of the red lights that detect whether you are an emotional cheater?

  • You keep aspects of your intimate life for your “friend” and do not share them with your partner.
  • Your friendship shifts from platonic to romantic and you feel less connected to your partner.
  • You think about your friend most of the time and you fantasize about him or her even when you are making love with your partner.
  • You feel recognized, appreciated, even loved by your “friend” so you do not feel the need to connect to your partner. You feel a distance between you and your partner.
  • You withhold and “cut off” valuable aspects of who you are, particularly your intimate self and your intimate life from your partner. You stop having sex with your partner.
  • You discuss the things you don’t like about your spouse or your married life with your friend and not with your spouse.
  • You tell your “friend” more about what goes on regarding your workday and your work life than you do with your partner.
  • You feel as if your “friend” has your heart.
  • You are dishonest with your spouse about the extent of the friendship and feelings with and for your “friend.”
  • You would be embarrassed if your partner read the e-mails, notes, or eavesdropped on a conversation, or saw the way you interacted in person with your “friend.”
  • When you are with your “friend” your body language communicates that your feelings are stronger than friendship.
  • There is sexual tension and you can discuss it openly with your “friend.”

So, where does one draw the line? What if you do feel unappreciated? What if you are an emotional cheater? How do you stop? Is it possible to stop? What if you know that no matter what, you are never going to connect with your partner the way you connect on an emotional level with your friend, but you know that your friend will always stay your friend and you don’t want to lose your partner? What do you do?

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.” – David B.

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